It is what it is...
It is what it is...
Life as a parent, grandparent, and caregiver

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Email: angiewilliams08@gmail.com

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It is What it is

This blog is designed to provide some humor, compassion, and hopefully a little support for others like me who have been overwhelmed with family responsibilities, work, caregiving, etc. I used to always tell folks that I wanted to write a book about my life and I already had a title for it, "My Life as a Research Animal." My theory is that there are angels assigned to all of us to conduct various kinds of research. The one assigned to me is trying to see how much one human being can possibly take. I just wish "they" would graduate already!!

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Tell me about the good ole days

May 16, 2017 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

With Aunt Lou in her last days of her life, my mind and soul is being flooded with fond memories of growing up with our large family of Massey’s. Aunt Lou and Aunt Peggy are the last of them and they’re both afflicted with dementia, not to mention their other serious health issues, so they’ll be no more stories from an eyewitness to our family’s history. We can only go by our memories, things they’ve told us, and what we make of all the stories we heard growing up.

I know most of us miss our “good ole days” but I truly do and I wish I could have lived during the days when our Massey family was “growing up”. I’m sure there were hardships, bad times, and upsetting memories but it was a simpler time and fun was made easily with what they did have – fishing poles, watering holes, farm animals and pets, and playfully torturing the youngest of the bunch.

photo from katherinebarger.blogspot.com

I loved hearing the stories about Aunt Lou and Aunt Ginny hopping trains, running after one another on the wrap around porch of the home they grew up in, and swimming in the wooden water tower hanging on to dear life when trains would drain the tower and they couldn’t reach the ladder to get out. Although it was a bit dangerous, it all sounded like so much fun.

When I was growing up our big family spent lots of time together, almost every weekend in fact. We all lived within a mile or so, if not closer, of one another. Aunt Lou lived directly behind the little Kayton Theatre and every Saturday or Sunday all the aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends gathered at Aunt Lou’s. We’d have an early dinner, about 2pm, and then the grown-ups would fork over a few dollars or so in order for all the kids to go to the movies, most of the time getting to enjoy a double feature! Their plan of course was to get the kids out of the house so as not to interrupt them during their poker game.

Once the kids were gone, the dining room table was set up as a makeshift poker table. Everyone chose their favorite seat, emptied their pockets and purses of dollar bills and all of their change onto the table where they planned to perch for the evening. Pretty much most games involved at least six players if not more. Those who weren’t lucky enough to make it to the table served as the “fetchers.” They would fetch the players something to drink, fetch them a snack, or possibly even play a hand for them when they had to take a potty break.

The poker games were a serious thing in our family. All of the Massey kids and their kids learned at a very young age how to play and more importantly, how to win. It was like a right of passage. Weekly poker games was a normal part of their life growing up. The patriarch of the clan, Wayne Massey, held big stakes poker games with some of the local politicians from their small town up in the holler but his wife, my grandmother Mamie, never played cards. She thought it was wasteful. It’s kind of funny to me that most of their the kids played though. There were six kids and all but one were females, and boy they sure were serious when they sat at that poker table. There were actually seven kids had but one, a female, passed away at the tender age of two from dysentery. I’m sure had she lived, she’d be right there with her sisters taking the men’s money!

I’m sad that we’re at the end of hearing about these stories first hand. Although we’ve heard them over and over, it never gets old. Hopefully, blogging about what I remember and what’s fresh from Aunt Lou before her recent rapidly failing health, I can somehow keep their wonderful stories alive for a while.

Not sure I can handle this

May 11, 2017 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

This time last year my mom had just passed after weeks in the hospital and hospice. I can’t believe I’m going through this again with my aunt, mom’s oldest sister. Aunt Lou has been living with me for five years. She was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer which has spread to her lung and she’s in the beginning stages of dementia. Hospice is now assisting with her care in our home. A nurse comes twice a week, social worker once a month, and a homemaker is coming once a week to help clean aunt Lou’s bedroom, bathroom and wash her clothes. Although we have these few people helping out, it’s still such a difficult and frustrating job to care for her on a daily basis. Not only does she have stage four cancer but she also is suffering from dementia. I’m not sure I have enough patience to get through what’s sure to come with both diseases.

She was doing okay and being her normal self with routine moaning and whining about her ills. That drove me crazy but I got used to it and just kept taking each day as it comes. This all got worse though a few weeks ago. I had been really sick with the flu and not quite recovered when I had to take her to the nuerologist about her dementia. I was exhausted by the time we got home and relieved when I pulled into the driveway thinking I could go in and take a nap. I got Aunt Lou’s walker out and helped her out of the car. Our driveway has a slight incline so I made certain to help her walk up the driveway to the short sidewalk. Once she got that far I went ahead to unlock the door so I could help her in. I turned around and noticed her walker lying sideways on the porch and thought “oh my God!” There is about a six inch step up to the concrete porch. I looked to the other side of the porch and there she was flat on her back, looking delirious and mumbling. It was so scary. I crouched down near her to ask if she was okay. Was she hurt anywhere? She acted like she couldn’t comprehend what I was saying and confused about what was going on. I know you’re not supposed to move someone when they fall, especially elderly folks but it was extremely cold and windy out that day so I had to get her in the house. Of course, no one else was home at the time that could help me. I felt the back of her head to make sure there was no blood and proceeded to pick her up under the arms to get her on her feet. I pretty much moved her feet by prodding her legs and holding on to her to get her inside. Luckily the couch is right inside the door to the left. I got her there and quickly contacted Hospice to find out what I should do. While I was on the phone with them, she began throwing up. The Hospice nurse came to the house to check on her. After checking her out really well, it appeared that she was okay with the exception of the bump on her head. We decided not to take her to the ER since she has terminal cancer and we wouldn’t want to put her through anything drastic when the outcome will just be the same.

I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I’m possibly being more attentive to her than I was with my mom. On one hand, I feel like I am trying to make up for not being more sensitive to my mom’s needs and on the other I feel sorry for aunt Lou because she basically has no one else. She has three sons who are married and have children who also have children but none of them have anything to do with her. I don’t know what caused them to be this way. Growing up I always thought aunt Lou was so crazy in a funny way and I enjoyed being around her. That is except for when she was being ugly to my grandmother who lived with her for several years. My grandmother was my favorite person in the world so I hated when aunt Lou treated her badly. Now that she’s been living with me for several years and I’m much older and mature, I can see how she could push folks away. But…she’s 92 years old and has stage four cancer and dementia. I love her and not only as her niece but as a human being, I can’t not help her. I resisted being so involved after my mom passed away but as time went by and her health declined so seriously, I felt I needed to step it up. I initially resisted because I was so done with caregiving and the emotional, physical, and mental stress I had been through over the last several years with my mom. I just didn’t think I could do it. Nor did I think I wanted to. Most days I just do it and don’t think about the interruption in my life or the toll it takes on my emotions. Lately though, it’s so much more difficult. Aunt Lou doesn’t do pain or illness. She’s always over exaggerated her pain and sickness. She would moan, groan, and wine all the time. It drove my mom crazy in her last months and it has driven me crazy so much that I feel like I need to drink adult beverages just to get through the evenings with her. Now it’s so much worse. She fell on the porch after we returned from a doctor’s appointment a couple of weeks ago and she now hollers out all the time and really moans and wines. I know she can’t help it. I’m sure she really is in a lot of pain. I feel terrible but it gets on my nerves so bad I can barely handle it. It’s only going to get worse, much worse. Sometimes I really wish I could just run away. Some days I imagine leaving everything and everyone behind and starting over somewhere far away. Changing everything about myself; looks, attitude, job, priorities, etc. I feel very lonely lately and I struggle to find joy and purpose in my life.

Patience - is mine real or am I just stockpiling til I explode?

May 01, 2017 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

I seriously do ask myself this question often. I really don’t feel I have great patience but it would appear that I do while taking care of my aunt and while at work. Why can’t I have it with my family? Is that a problem that most folks have?

I’ve been told by some people, including an oncologist, that I have such great patience, especially when dealing with my aunt. It made me feel so good that someone important noticed that and told me. I’m sure a lot of it is just from all the years as a caregiver however, I wasn’t always patient with my mom. I feel terrible about that now. Sometimes I feel as though my mom is watching me as I take care of Aunt Lou and sadly or even angerly thinking, “she was never that patient with me. I can’t believe how sweet and thoughtful she is with Lou.”

I know now that I’ve learned a lot about how important patience is and how to achieve it while caring for others who have serious illnesses, dementia, etc. I also feel guilty for not having enough patience with my mom so I’m trying to make up for that with aunt Lou. Some of it might also be due to the resentment I felt towards my mom because she didn’t take care of herself like she should have which resulted with me being her caregiver before I felt I should have had to be – so my resentment got in the way of my patience with her. Whatever the reason is, I should be happy that I finally am at a point that I can have the patience I need to take care of Aunt Lou.

This is not to say I never get irritated or aggravated about this caregiving business. When Aunt Lou consistently moans and groans or repeats the same questions over and over I do find myself having to put ear plugs in or just leave the room until I can get my “patient caregiving groove” back. Sometimes I also get irritated that I’m even serving as Aunt Lou’s primary caregiver. She has three sons, a few grown grandchildren, and even my brother Pat who has been like a son to her most of his life. Pat lives with me and helps with a lot but most things fall on me. Sure, I could just say “Nope, I’m done – not doing this anymore. It’s not my responsibility.” But, I just can’t do it.

So…I’m thinking most of us have more patience with folks outside the family because we feel we have to walk a fine line with them. We don’t know how they’ll respond if we explode on them. We don’t want them to thank negatively about us nor do we want to lose those relationships.That sounds so crazy because I’m saying that it seems natural to be able to blow up on a family member and not worry about losing them or distorting their views of us. I remember a saying, “we’re always biting at the ones we love.” Maybe because we feel comfortable that they won’t leave us and no matter what, they’ll always love us. So…why can’t I be mean to Aunt Lou? Why am I so patient with her? Maybe it’s because I feel sorry for her since it seems her immediate family could care less about her and she and I have always had a special relationship. Whatever the reason, hopefully I can keep it up as her physical and mental health decline.

 

Perfect writing - argh!

April 26, 2017 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

I love to write but when I’m actually going to share it with someone I always feel that it has to be perfect when I write it. It’s crazy, I know. You should never think this – it causes so much stress and delay in getting your writing out there. So…every time I try to get a blog started I stumble due to this ridiculous thought. I’m trying though. I am really trying to remind myself that this is just a blog about my experiences as a caregiver mostly and as a parent, grandparent, employee, etc. It really doesn’t have to be perfect!

My point here is – I hope you’ll stick it out with me. I’ll try to be consistent with my writing. I truly want to help others and I really do think my stories, regardless of how important or interesting/uninteresting they might be, can possibly help others going through this crazy thing we call life! 🙂

For most caregivers it can be a thankless job. There are many times I have felt that way and not just by those I’ve taken care of. I’ve had friends and family tell me I should put my mom (when she was still alive) and my aunt in a nursing home. I’ve thought about it over the years and frankly wanted to at times but I just couldn’t/can’t. I think my mom might have actually enjoyed getting to socialize but aunt Lou might get kicked out! Lol! Those who know her will understand! But…both always worried that we’re trying to get rid of them and that we would all just leave them there alone. Because I love them and I know I will take good care of them I decided I couldn’t do that to them. Besides that we can all learn something from our older family members, good and bad. It’s not easy. It’s very hard at times. Stressful. Sad. Lonely. Frustrating. But it’s also (for me) fun, rewarding, educational, and humbling. Aunt Lou often says she could never repay me for helping her the way I do. I tell her that she doesn’t need to. I do it because I love her and hope that someone will take loving and patient care of me if I ever need it. I do say it after I tell her that she’s right, she can’t repay me-I’m too expensive!! We pick at each other a lot. It’s hard watching her lately go through the pain and suffering of cancer and dementia which is harder. I try to imagine what it must be like to be so confused especially about things (cards) she’s always been an expert on. It’s so sad. I’ve been very very fortunate to have a friend/sister (Monica) who has taught me so much about being a caregiver and how important patience is. It’s the hardest and most important thing for a caregiver to do. Sorry for this long post but felt I needed to get this out there. Playing cards right now with aunt Lou, watching her struggle yet be happy to be doing something she loves and I’m conflicted about how I feel. ????

Caregiving Joys and Woes (part 1)

March 08, 2017 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

I have been a caregiver for most of my life it seems. When I was a kid, I helped take care of my younger brothers when my mom was diagnosed with cervical cancer at the age of 29. My grandmother mostly took care of us but I kind of knew my brothers needed me to look up to. Not too long after my mom went through cancer treatment my dad became seriously ill with cirrohsis of the liver and then died at the young age of 34. I was twelve years old and although I was devastated, I felt I needed to help my mom and grandmother with my brothers. I realize now that I was just a kid but somehow it was ingrained in me that I was born to be a caregiver just like my mom and my grandmother before that.

Years later, I begrudgingly took on the role of primary caregiver of my mother. I say begrudgingly because my mom didn’t really take good care of herself. Although she knew she needed to lose weight, quit smoking, and practice good healthy living, she just didn’t do it. I know it’s hard to change your way of life by making healthier choices. Although I have always enjoyed working out and wanted to look sexy and thin, I have struggled to maintain a healthy living routine and like I said, I actually enjoyed it.

For many years, I tried to encourage mom to make little changes that would help her live a longer healthier life. Most of the time she would just get angry and defensive. I would always carefully choose my words so as not to sound critical or anything but it just didn’t work. I even joined Weight Watchers with her one time so she would feel supported and have someone to work towards her goals with but it didn’t work out very well. I was doing really good at my points and exercising but she wasn’t and she got mad at me because I was losing more weight than her. It was very frustrating. I actually told her one time that I resented her. Her reaction was surprise and anger. I told her that I resented her for not taking care of herself. When her health started to really go down hill I would be the one who had to take care of her and it wasn’t fair to me. I also told her that if she took care of herself and still had health issues, it would be different because at least I would know she was trying.

Not until her cardiologist literally told her that if she didn’t lose weight she was going to die, did she actually finally take it seriously. It scared the crap out of her. Finally, a doctor didn’t pussy foot around her weight issue. She did really good and lost a good bit of weight. That was wonderful but by then her health was taking a serious downturn. She was diagnosed with stage five renal failure and needed to begin dialysis. In order to take dialysis, she needed to have a fistula surgically placed in her arm but her cardiologist wouldn’t approve that surgery because she needed a heart catheter done because of her clogged arteries. After that surgery, she was finally released for the fistula surgery. She had that surgery done in her left arm and it needed to heal for six weeks before they could actually access it for dialysis. Well…about four weeks later, she fell and the trauma caused a huge hematoma (size of a softball!) on her surgical sight. It just wouldn’t heal and her kidneys were quickly shutting down so they had to put an emergency port in her chest. They don’t like to use that area because it’s an external access and prone to infections. They tried several times to get the fistula in her left arm to work but to no avail. They finally tried the right arm. It worked but she had several blockages over the years and had to have many surgeries to open it back up.

This was just the first few years of her downward serious health decline. There would be many more. And yes…I still resented her.

Important Life Lessons

January 12, 2017 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

I happened over this list a few years ago and posted it outside my office door to help me and others remember these important life lessons. Most of us, I’m sure, try to live our daily lives by much of this list but we also tend to get caught up in our own little worlds so much that we can forget how the smallest of our actions, good or bad, can affect others as well as ourselves.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, “I love you,” mean it.

FIVE. When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..

FIFTEEN. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Prince Charming and Dr. West - Fast Friends

January 09, 2017 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

Prince Charming was a pet dwarf frog that I kept in my office for over a year. He lived in a small plexiglass box that was adorned with little natural toned pebbles and a small white and small green rock. The box sat on my little round side table along with a picture of my grand-babies and my business cards. I really enjoyed having Prince Charming around. I often made up fun stories about his escapades to share with visitors to my office but the best adventures were those of Prince Charming and my supervisor, Dr. West.

Dr. West teaches children’s literature and has a fantastic creative mind. He really bonded with Prince Charming and became protective of him. He often comes to his office over the weekends to work on his research and stressful deadlines. Every Friday as Dr. West left his office, he would stop by my office and with a smile remind me, “I’ll make sure and feed Prince Charming when I come in this weekend.” And he did. Every Sunday he would email me a delightful comment on their amusing time together. I totally looked forward to his email every week!

The stories were often hilarious and mostly were based on whatever might be happening on campus that weekend. In the fall, we had a jigsaw puzzle out on a table in the department lounge for folks to work on every now and again when they came to get coffee or had a break. One Sunday during that time, Dr. West sent an email that said, “I just fed Prince Charming.  We kept pretty busy this afternoon putting in pieces in the puzzle.  He said to tell you that we put in 50 pieces, but he’s exaggerating.  We put in more like 7 pieces.” After December commencement, the email read, “I fed Prince Charming.  He and I just got back from the commencement ceremony.  He insisted on going, but it was tricky getting a robe and hood his size.  I think he has been watching too many GEICO commercials, and now he wants to check things out like that gecko does on the commercials.  Anyway, he is safely back in his tank now.”

I think my favorite is when he told me that Prince Charming wanted me to check with my son Josh about getting cable television. He works for TimeWarner Cable. The next Sunday, he said, “I just fed Prince Charming.  He said that he is still waiting for his cable television.  He is thinking about calling Directv instead.” The following Sunday the email read, “I just fed Prince Charming.  As I was closing the door to your office, I am pretty sure I heard him calling Directv and putting in an order for service.  He was saying something about wanting Frog and Toad News Network, whatever that is.” I was cracking up. When I came into my office that Monday I looked down at the space where Prince Charming’s humble abode sat, and busted out laughing. On top of his home was a little handmade DirectTV dish and a sign that read, “Frog and Toad News Network”!

Unfortunately, one morning a couple of months ago, I was getting ready to feed Prince Charming and he was gone! I was shocked! When I exclaimed, “Oh no!”, Dr. West and others in the area came quickly to see what was wrong. Everyone had gotten accustomed to checking on Prince Charming and interested in what he’d been up to lately. We all began moving things around in my office to see if maybe somehow he had gotten out of the box. We looked and looked but couldn’t find him. We were all upset and in disbelief. He still hasn’t returned and there have been no sightings of him.

Every now and then someone will visit my office for assistance and ask about him. When I tell them what happened a sad and concerned face comes over them. Prince Charming was only here for a short time but he provided many of us with much entertainment and “charming” memories. It reminds me of the old saying, some friends come into your life for a reason, some only come for a season, and some for a lifetime.

Ramie

January 02, 2017 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

I can’t believe I didn’t write about this before now. December has been such a busy and chaotic time that I didn’t get around to it until now!

Christmas just isn’t Christmas at our house until we hang the beautiful cross-stitched stocking with the name Ramie monogrammed across the top. The stocking was a gift from my Aunt Lou for my daughter Reili on her 1st birthday. The stocking is very special to all of us because of the story behind it.

Aunt Lou and I often called each other to check in since we didn’t get to see each other much after I moved from my hometown of Montgomery, West Virginia in 1985 where she still lived. Aunt Lou fell in love with Reili when she was born and took great pleasure in spoiling her every chance she got. She also loved shopping on QVC. Well, in December 1997 just before Reili’s first birthday Aunt Lou called me to eagerly tell me what she just got Reili from QVC for her birthday present.

Aunt Lou proudly described this adorable stocking, “It’s dark green and white with a Christmas tree on it and presents under the tree AND I could put her name on it!” As soon as she mentioned the part about Reili’s name on the stocking I thought oh no. You see, no matter how many times I reminded Aunt Lou that her name was Reili, she always called her Ramie. Aunt Lou continued with her excitement over the perfect gift worrying about spelling her name correctly. She asked me how you spell her name. I reluctantly replied slowly, “R-e-i-l-i”, to which she astoundedly said “that doesn’t spell Ramie!” I said, “no it doesn’t Aunt Lou, her name is Reili.” “What do you mean, Reili?! You mean to tell me I’ve been calling that baby the wrong name all this time?! Why didn’t you tell me?” she exclaimed. I told her I did tell her many times but after awhile I decided it wasn’t really that important. I knew Aunt Lou adored Reili and called every time she called her Ramie, it was with love. That didn’t matter though. She was really upset and fussed about the name on the stocking. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?! They already put Ramie on it and it’s been shipped. I guess I’ll have to return it.” I responded quickly and told her absolutely not! You’re going to send that precious stocking and we’re going to hang it every year at Christmas. It will be an awesome story for everyone to enjoy and something Reili will have for the rest of her life from her loving aunt Lou.”

Every year at Christmas the Ramie stocking hangs prominently on the fireplace. Those who know the story already get a big grin on their face and those who don’t know, well…they ask who Ramie is and the story begins again!

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Legacy of an ornament

December 22, 2016 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

mom-ornament-crosschristmas-treetexting-queen

 

 

 

I have tons of ornaments that I’ve collected for about 34 years. Some are broken but I still keep them and some I just don’t put on the tree every year because honestly I get tired of hanging up so many at one time!

Over the years, I purchased an ornament for each person in the house. The ornaments I picked were carefully and specifically chosen based on particular interests that year or how I saw the person. Every ornament has a special place in my heart. I remember where I found each one.  While decorating the tree a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned to my brother how I came to have so many ornaments and he suggested I write a note about how special each one is to me. The note could be placed in the ornament box and my kids and their kids will be able to maintain a history of the treasured memories attached to my ornaments.

One year was pretty easy. I found an ornament for everyone in the same little nook at the Southern Christmas Show in Charlotte, where I found most of them over the years.  They were all made of wood and said, “World’s Greatest something” which made it pretty convenient – one stop shop! There was World’s Greatest Cheerleader for my youngest daughter Reili who was about eleven at the time and cheering for pop warner little league football; mom-ornament-bingoWorld’s Greatest Mechanic for my son Josh; and, World’s Greatest Jack of All Trades for my oldest daughter Andrea because she’s so creative and literally can do pretty much anything.  For her tech savvy husband Mike, I got World’s Greatest Computer Wiz – he’s a tech genius. I think one of the biggest scores was the World’s Greatest Bingo Player for mom, her favorite past-time! And… of course, World’s Greatest Mom for me!! Those were all fun and pretty simple to figure out.

middle-childOther ornaments over the years included a really cute one of an adorable little girl holding a sign which reads Middle Child, Mom’s Favorite. Andrea used to always say that about herself. I was so excited when I found it. Ha! Ha! During the period that Josh was in the Army, I found one of a little soft male doll with dark hair dressed in Army fatigues. I love shoes so of course I was ecstatic when I found a pretty lilac colored high heel shoe with tiny embellishments on the toe. Some others not so obvious are a white clay star with royal blue eyes, nose and mouth for Reili; and, a clay cross with brown,yellow, and white colors on the front of it for mom

bird-nestPerhaps one of the most dear to me is a real bird nest that we actually found in one of the Christmas trees we cut down on a tree farm in the North Carolina mountains years ago. We have saved and carefully wrapped it in tissue paper every year. It’s the last ornament we place in the tree before putting on the topper. There’s just something about it that warms my heart and reminds of the many blessings in our lives.

 

Christmas without mom

December 07, 2016 by Angie Williams
Categories: Updates

This will be the first Christmas without my mom. She passed away in April this year from stage five kidney failure. Mom lived with me and my family for almost twenty years. She came to visit and help out when I was just about to give birth to my youngest daughter, Reili, and she never left. That was twenty years ago!

That first Christmas after Reili was born my husband got really sick with a bad cold. I tried everything to keep my two week old baby from getting sick too. Every time he moved from the couch, chair, bed, whatever, I sprayed Lysol. I washed the bedding, throws, towels, etc. almost daily. None of this helped. Not only did Reili get sick but my mom did too. They both ended up in the hospital just before New Years Eve. Reili was on the 2nd floor and my mom was on the 5th. Reili was diagnosed with RSV (respiratory virus) and mom with pneumonia.

When my mom came down, she was in the middle of trying to sale her home in Ohio and planned to move to WV near my brothers. After she got sick, my husband suggested that she just move in with us so she could help take care of Reili. I asked him if he was crazy! I loved my mom dearly but after a few days she would start getting on my last nerve. But, he made a good argument so we built on a room for her with the sale of her house.

Having mom live with us the past twenty years had their ups and downs, some better than others, but it worked, especially for Reili. Mom and her had a special bond. Mom was with Reili all of her young life. She was her confidant, biggest spoiler, and best friend.

mom-ornament-crossOver the years, I started collecting Christmas ornaments that I felt reflected each family member and what they were interested in at the time. Mom mom-grandmaenjoyed playing bingo, loved God, and made the best biscuits around. Through the years she lived with us, I was lucky enough to find ornaments that embodied her very essence.

I have many special memories with my mom but one in particular occurred every year when we put up our Christmas tree. Mom would sit in the chair closest to the tree, carefully unwrap the many years worth of ornaments, and hand them to me and the kids to hang up. This year was the first year in twenty years she wasn’t there to help and repeatedly tell me where I missed a spot on the tree.

I tmom-ornament-rolling-pinruly feel that although mom is no longer living with us, her presence is and always will be in our hearts and special memories. Her direction can still be heard through every step of decorating our Christmas tree. Her words are with us whispering how to put the love in her homemade biscuits. Amom-ornament-bingond every time we see a bingo dobber we can imagine her carefully studying her multitude of bingo cards anxiously praying for a winning BINGO!

 

 

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