I love to write but when I’m actually going to share it with someone I always feel that it has to be perfect when I write it. It’s crazy, I know. You should never think this – it causes so much stress and delay in getting your writing out there. So…every time I try to get a blog started I stumble due to this ridiculous thought. I’m trying though. I am really trying to remind myself that this is just a blog about my experiences as a caregiver mostly and as a parent, grandparent, employee, etc. It really doesn’t have to be perfect!
My point here is – I hope you’ll stick it out with me. I’ll try to be consistent with my writing. I truly want to help others and I really do think my stories, regardless of how important or interesting/uninteresting they might be, can possibly help others going through this crazy thing we call life! 🙂
For most caregivers it can be a thankless job. There are many times I have felt that way and not just by those I’ve taken care of. I’ve had friends and family tell me I should put my mom (when she was still alive) and my aunt in a nursing home. I’ve thought about it over the years and frankly wanted to at times but I just couldn’t/can’t. I think my mom might have actually enjoyed getting to socialize but aunt Lou might get kicked out! Lol! Those who know her will understand! But…both always worried that we’re trying to get rid of them and that we would all just leave them there alone. Because I love them and I know I will take good care of them I decided I couldn’t do that to them. Besides that we can all learn something from our older family members, good and bad. It’s not easy. It’s very hard at times. Stressful. Sad. Lonely. Frustrating. But it’s also (for me) fun, rewarding, educational, and humbling. Aunt Lou often says she could never repay me for helping her the way I do. I tell her that she doesn’t need to. I do it because I love her and hope that someone will take loving and patient care of me if I ever need it. I do say it after I tell her that she’s right, she can’t repay me-I’m too expensive!! We pick at each other a lot. It’s hard watching her lately go through the pain and suffering of cancer and dementia which is harder. I try to imagine what it must be like to be so confused especially about things (cards) she’s always been an expert on. It’s so sad. I’ve been very very fortunate to have a friend/sister (Monica) who has taught me so much about being a caregiver and how important patience is. It’s the hardest and most important thing for a caregiver to do. Sorry for this long post but felt I needed to get this out there. Playing cards right now with aunt Lou, watching her struggle yet be happy to be doing something she loves and I’m conflicted about how I feel. 
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