Prose Revisions are due tonight by 6:00 pm. See Canvas for more details.

Plan for the Day

• Ch. 8: Other Stylistic Variations
• Three (3) paragraphs for your Prose Revision Assignment (due tonight, 11/01)
  • Follow the directions carefully:
    • Before you revise, make sure you know what the sentence is trying to communicate.
    • Be efficient, but don’t remove any important information.
    • Don’t change the meaning of the original sentence or paragraph.
• Happy Halloween!

We’re definitely turning a corner in this class and going from standardized, expected syntax and grammar to stylistic variation. Continue to consider these lessons from the perspective of effective/ineffective and not correct/incorrect. However, the “correct” message in the “wrong” context is both incorrect and ineffective…

One thing I just re-learned about communication that is relevant to our class is that it isn’t necessarily what you write but what they read. Your assumption of what you’re conveying will not always be the same assumption(s) of those reading your message. This is the difference between writer- and reader-based prose:

• Writer-based prose is writing, often composed for oneself, where the author knows what is meant, but they haven’t taken the reader’s context in mind and often make huge leaps in logic and narrative gaps.
• Reader-based prose is careful writing that communicates with the reader’s context in mind, crafting clear, concise sentences without any logical holes or writer-assumed topics, ideas, information, etc.

For example, consider the following sentences on the same topic.

• Writer-based prose: The greatest identity marker of the United States is the time at which America became an independent nation as well as the nation which independence was won from.
• Reader-based prose: The American Revolutionary War, the conflict in which America won independence from Great Britain, is the greatest identity marker of the United States.

I admit the second sentence isn’t a stunning example of prose, but, as a topic sentence, what might you expect to follow?

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For a lesson on interpretation, let’s consider the first sentence of the paragraph above written this way:

• One thing I just re-learned about communication relevant to our class is…

What’s the effect of dropping “that is” from the original?

Ch. 8: Other Stylistic Variations

Before we get too far ahead, I want to assure you that you won’t need to know all the Greek words for style. However, the following will be important for the final exam:

• polysyndeton: adds the extra ands into a series
• asyndeton: just uses commas as the conjunction for a series (drops ands)
• repetition: repeating information for emphasis
• redundancy: repeating information to uselessly fill up space
• antithesis: juxtaposing opposite ideas
• chiasmus: (not in the chapter or book) a mirror-like repetition of words for a pleasing sound.

As mentioned all semester, we’re more concerned with style than correctness. Even grammatically correct sentences can be incorrect when in the wrong context:

• When speaking to children…“The best thing to do when crossing the street–an action you will do many times coming to and departing from school–is to look both ways, searching for vehicles and bikes to avoid.
  {Don’t baby talk children when discussing something serious, but also don’t be a pompous fool. Speak/write in age-specific terms and structures.}
• When emailing the dean…“Dear Exalted One, Please find the attached request for funding for student enrichment for the FY 2023 budget for your review.”
  {On second thought…a dean might like that language.}

This chapter has examples of stylistic choices that may violate other techniques you’ve learned. For instance, passive voice is used to help change the emphasis of a sentence; parallel structure is not always followed in some sentences completely; and fragments are used deliberately. I’ve bolded the three topics above to emphasize a point–knowing the available style choices will help you vary your prose style, which improves your writing.

A bit of caution: many of the choices discussed in this chapter aren’t the most appropriate for traditional technical writing contexts. A general rule that governs technical writing (as opposed to creative writing) is that technical writing limits interpretation. The best thing you can hope your audience does when receiving an unclear message from you is that they get a hold of you for clarification. Because tech writing is often anonymous writing from an organization, their getting a hold of you is highly unlikely. Always consider your audience’s expectations and the purpose(s) of your message.

Don’t forget, those of you enrolled in the ENGL 5183 section, you have a Rhetorical Analysis bonus assignment, so check the Assignments Page for more details.

A Note on Style

The goal of this chapter is “to encourage you to make the kinds of stylistic choices that will engage your readers” (p. 124). Kolln & Gray open by mentioning the following styles: 1) the plain style, 2) the pompous style, 3) the grand style, and 4) the official style. Technical writing aims for the plain style, but that style isn’t exclusively for technical writing. The plain style uses plain language without excess verbiage that obfuscates your intended meaning.

But isn’t plain language just that—plain? Well, yes. But being plain in the sense of clear and concise is a good thing. Don’t think of plain as dumbed down or unsophisticated. Writing in a plain style means you write in a reader-oriented way—you communicate your ideas effectively, so the reader doesn’t have to do all the work or guess at your meanings. Language, after all, can be ambiguous. It is difficult to write efficiently and in a plain style, but that’s why we revise—to clean/r up our prose.

Remember, no one writes because they fetishize grammatically correct sentences; writers write to communicate; professional writers write to communicate in their careers. Regardless of the writing context, all writers must write and subsequently revise with the audience and communication purpose in mind.

Consider the following issues:

• What is jargon? When is it appropriate?
• What on earth is efficient prose?
• How do I elevate my writing in order to sound better?
• When is it appropriate to lie? (obviously, this is a trick question in the context of technical/professional communication)
• With all this cool technology, why can’t I just get a computer to do my writing?

Did you know there’s actually an organization called PLAIN: The Plain Language Association International? Check it out. The English Department’s very own Deborah Bosley (emeritus) is a member of the above group and was interviewed about language and policy making.

Also, check out what Maxine C. Hairston found regarding what businesses want from employees regarding communication skills. I question if grammar is the golden ticket, but we should follow the standards our audiences expect. Don’t disregard ethos. The Hairston link is for your further inquiry and not for an exam.

This call for efficiency is culturally based to some extent. Although we won’t talk enough about intercultural communication, I want to point out that the push for a plain style is Western-centric and adheres to our “system’s” desire for efficiency and increased productivity. Our concept of efficiency may be very different from another culture’s ideas about efficiency and effective communication.

Absolute Phrases

This is the least important information of the chapter. How about we agree that absolute phrases act an awful lot like sentence appositives. You will rarely (if ever) use them in standard technical communication, but I can see their value in reviews, descriptions, and advertisements. They do have a literary sound to them, which is probably why Kolln & Gray’s examples are mostly literary. Consider the following sentence from a review of the Red Hot Chili Peppers:

• Californication, the RHCP’s 1999 album, showcases the band’s rap-funk-alternative style, their melodies trip over each other, their deliberate off-key chords play with expectations.

This could easily be re-written the following way, but what is lost (or gained or changed) in the revision:

• The RHCP’s 1999 album Californication showcases the band’s rap-funk-alternative style with melodies tripping over each other and deliberate off-key chords playing with listeners’ expectations.

Polysyndeton-Asyndeton

Remember these two (pp. 128-129). Polysyndeton uses an extra and to emphasize each item in a series. Asyndeton uses commas instead of conjunctions to speed up prose and leave readers with the assumption the author could keep adding items to the series.

Repetition-Redundancy

We like repetition with variation. Repeating items and words can reinforce concepts for your audience. Repetition without any variation or stylistic attempt at emphasis is redundant. Redundancy is great for networks and safety measures. Not so good for messages. Consider the following:

• I must forewarn you ahead of time before you meet my parents.
• Redundancy happens when you unnecessarily repeat information that you don’t need to repeat.
  • Get the joke?
• Education trains minds to flourish; education lifts communities to prosper; education conditions humanity to advance.
  • This one also attempts to have the series follow the rules of climax.
  • But notice the above sentence is an example of repetition and NOT redundancy.

Antithesis

Although this is a well-known literary device, it comes up frequently in professional prose. You will most likely need to argue or advocate for a position in your future, perhaps supporting one plan over another. Bring your attention to the first example on p. 134:

Before our engineers design our cars, our racing programs design our engineers.

Juxtaposing ideas is a standard practice when comparing or contrasting. Your audience is going to remember the catch phrase easier than not using antithesis as a technique, a rhetorical strategy. Consider what’s lost with the following:

Our racing programs prepare our engineers before they design our cars.

The sentence above is shorter, but it actually sounds longer when spoken. The one using antithesis flows better than the nuts-and-bolts version above. Of course, use this sparingly, or it’ll lose its effect.

My favorite:

• If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Consider the following antithesis in the context of you trying to draw your boss’s attention to investing in your idea:

• If we fail to innovate creatively, we’ll succeed at failure spectacularly.
• If the English Department doesn’t get its head on its shoulders, it’ll continue with its head…

The Nelson Mandela paragraph on p. 134 is a good example from a politician. I’ve pulled out the contrasts invoked:

• peasant–>doctor
• worker–>boss
• farmer–>president
• have–>given

If you aren’t an orator, Mandela’s style isn’t something you should adopt, but it does highlight antithesis well.

Chiasmus

This isn’t in the book, but it’s my favorite rhetorical strategy to discuss (I doubt I’ve ever used it in writing). Chiasmus is a type of repetition and antithesis that aims to create a pleasing sound, so it’s a bit too poetic for professional prose and would seem out of place. But it would be perfectly fine in reviews or advertisements. Here’s the famous one:

A = “your country”
B = “you can”

This is definitely for political speeches and not technical communication. Of course, you’ll never forget it because the structure of A, B, B, A reminds you of a pleasing sound…just like

The Deliberate Fragment

The fragment question. Most fragments are unintentional and happen when we poorly punctuate subordinate clauses or any clause that can’t stand alone as a sentence. The deliberate fragment is a conscious choice. A rule to break. In professional prose, you would most likely use a deliberate fragment at the beginning of a paragraph.

If we were in class, we’d discuss the first two paragraphs in the “For Group Discussion” section on p. 135 and consider the techniques that deliberately make readers pause on important places in the texts. I think you should pay close attention to those paragraphs and notice the choices the authors make. Of course, these are from high-brow writers, so their choices are different from the ones you’d most likely make in professional contexts. Then again, is there really just one single professional context?

Happy Halloween

Have a safe and fun, preferably socially distant, Halloween. In the spirit of Halloween, check out the most adorable black kitty on the planet!

Next Week

Please notice that we’re jumping ahead in Rhetorical Grammar to Ch. 13. We’re skipping in Kolln & Gray (for now)–Ch. 9, 10, 11, & 12–discuss higher-level prose topics such as as sentence rhythm, voice, and diction. We’ll cover those chapters in later weeks. I hope to have your Review #2 assignments commented on shortly. Remember, those are Portfolio assignments you revise for your Final Portfolio due Dec. 6th…just 4 weeks away.