Rhetoric & Technical Communication
Rhetoric & Technical Communication
Aaron A. Toscano, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Dept. of English

Resources and Daily Activities

  • Charlotte Debate
  • Conference Presentations
    • Critical Theory/MRG 2023 Presentation
    • PCA/ACA Conference Presentation 2022
    • PCAS/ACAS 2024 Presentation
    • PCAS/ACAS Presentation 2021
    • SAMLA 2024 Presentation
    • SEACS 2021 Presentation
    • SEACS 2022 Presentation
    • SEACS 2023 Presentation
    • SEACS 2024 Presentation
    • SEACS 2025 Presentation
    • SEWSA 2021 Presentation
    • South Atlantic MLA Conference 2022
  • Dr. Toscano’s Homepage
  • ENGL 2116-014: Introduction to Technical Communication
    • April 10th: Analyzing Ethics
      • Ethical Dilemmas for Homework
      • Ethical Dilemmas to Ponder
      • Mapping Our Personal Ethics
    • April 12th: Writing Ethically
    • April 17th: Ethics Continued
    • April 19th: More on Ethics in Writing and Professional Contexts
    • April 24th: Mastering Oral Presentations
    • April 3rd: Research Fun
    • April 5th: More Research Fun
      • Epistemology and Other Fun Research Ideas
      • Research
    • February 13th: Introduction to User Design
    • February 15th: Instructions for Users
      • Making Résumés and Cover Letters More Effective
    • February 1st: Reflection on Workplace Messages
    • February 20th: The Rhetoric of Technology
    • February 22nd: Social Constructions of Technology
    • February 6th: Plain Language
    • January 11th: More Introduction to Class
    • January 18th: Audience & Purpose
    • January 23rd: Résumés and Cover Letters
      • Duty Format for Résumés
      • Peter Profit’s Cover Letter
    • January 25th: More on Résumés and Cover Letters
    • January 30th: Achieving a Readable Style
      • Euphemisms
      • Prose Practice for Next Class
      • Prose Revision Assignment
      • Revising Prose: Efficiency, Accuracy, and Good
      • Sentence Clarity
    • January 9th: Introduction to the Class
    • Major Assignments
    • March 13th: Introduction to Information Design
    • March 15th: More on Information Design
    • March 20th: Reporting Technical Information
    • March 27th: The Great I, Robot Analysis
    • May 1st: Final Portfolio Requirements
  • ENGL 4182/5182: Information Design & Digital Publishing
    • August 21st: Introduction to the Course
      • Rhetorical Principles of Information Design
    • August 28th: Introduction to Information Design
      • Prejudice and Rhetoric
      • Robin Williams’s Principles of Design
    • Classmates Webpages (Fall 2017)
    • December 4th: Presentations
    • Major Assignments for ENGL 4182/5182 (Fall 2017)
    • November 13th: More on Color
      • Designing with Color
      • Important Images
    • November 20th: Extra-Textual Elements
    • November 27th: Presentation/Portfolio Workshop
    • November 6th: In Living Color
    • October 16th: Type Fever
      • Typography
    • October 23rd: More on Type
    • October 2nd: MIDTERM FUN!!!
    • October 30th: Working with Graphics
      • Beerknurd Calendar 2018
    • September 11th: Talking about Design without Using “Thingy”
      • Theory, theory, practice
    • September 18th: The Whole Document
    • September 25th: Page Design
  • ENGL 4183/5183: Editing with Digital Technologies
    • August 23rd: Introduction to the Class
    • August 30th: Rhetoric, Words, and Composing
    • December 6th: Words and Word Classes
    • Major Assignments for ENGL 4183/5183 (Fall 2023)
    • November 15th: Cohesive Rhythm
    • November 1st: Stylistic Variations
    • November 29th: Voice and Other Nebulous Writing Terms
      • Rhetoric of Fear (prose example)
    • November 8th: Rhetorical Effects of Punctuation
    • October 11th: Choosing Adjectivals
    • October 18th: Choosing Nominals
    • October 4th: Form and Function
    • September 13th: Verb is the Word!
    • September 27th: Coordination and Subordination
      • Parallelism
    • September 6th: Sentence Patterns
  • ENGL 4275/WRDS 4011: “Rhetoric of Technology”
    • April 23rd: Presentation Discussion
    • April 2nd: Artificial Intelligence Discussion, machine (super)learning
    • April 4th: Writing and Reflecting Discussion
    • April 9th: Tom Wheeler’s The History of Our Future (Part I)
    • February 13th: Religion of Technology Part 3 of 3
    • February 15th: Is Love a Technology?
    • February 1st: Technology and Postmodernism
    • February 20th: Technology and Gender
    • February 22nd: Technology, Expediency, Racism
    • February 27th: Writing Workshop, etc.
    • February 6th: The Religion of Technology (Part 1 of 3)
    • February 8th: Religion of Technology (Part 2 of 3)
    • January 11th: Introduction to the Course
    • January 16th: Isaac Asimov’s “Cult of Ignorance”
    • January 18th: Technology and Meaning, a Humanist perspective
    • January 23rd: Technology and Democracy
    • January 25th: The Politics of Technology
    • January 30th: Discussion on Writing as Thinking
    • Major Assignments for Rhetoric of Technology
    • March 12th: Neuromancer (1984) Day 1 of 3
    • March 14th: Neuromancer (1984) Day 2 of 3
    • March 19th: Neuromancer (1984) Day 3 of 3
    • March 21st: Writing and Reflecting: Research and Synthesizing
    • March 26th: Artificial Intelligence and Risk
    • March 28th: Artificial Intelligence Book Reviews
  • ENGL 6166: Rhetorical Theory
    • April 11th: Knoblauch. Ch. 4 and Ch. 5
    • April 18th: Feminisms, Rhetorics, Herstories
    • April 25th:  Knoblauch. Ch. 6, 7, and “Afterword”
    • April 4th: Jacques Derrida’s Positions
    • February 15th: St. Augustine’s On Christian Doctrine [Rhetoric]
    • February 1st: Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 2 & 3
      • Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 2
      • Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 3
    • February 22nd: Knoblauch. Ch. 1 and 2
    • February 29th: Descartes, Rene, Discourse on Method
    • February 8th: Isocrates
    • January 11th: Introduction to Class
    • January 18th: Plato’s Phaedrus
    • January 25th: Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 1
    • March 14th: Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Vindication of the Rights of Women
    • March 21st: Feminist Rhetoric(s)
    • March 28th: Knoblauch’s Ch. 3 and More Constitutive Rhetoric
    • Rhetorical Theory Assignments
  • ENGL/COMM/WRDS: The Rhetoric of Fear
    • April 11th: McCarthyism Part 1
    • April 18th: McCarthyism Part 2
    • April 25th: The Satanic Panic
    • April 4th: Suspense/Horror/Fear in Film
    • February 14th: Fascism and Other Valentine’s Day Atrocities
    • February 21st: Fascism Part 2
    • February 7th: Fallacies Part 3 and American Politics Part 2
    • January 10th: Introduction to the Class
    • January 17th: Scapegoats & Conspiracies
    • January 24th: The Rhetoric of Fear and Fallacies Part 1
    • January 31st: Fallacies Part 2 and American Politics Part 1
    • Major Assignments
    • March 28th: Nineteen Eighty-Four
    • March 7th: Fascism Part 3
    • May 2nd: The Satanic Panic Part II
      • Rhetoric of Fear and Job Losses
  • Intercultural Communication on the Amalfi Coast
    • Pedagogical Theory for Study Abroad
  • LBST 2213-110: Science, Technology, and Society
    • August 22nd: Science and Technology from a Humanistic Perspective
    • August 24th: Science and Technology, a Humanistic Approach
    • August 29th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 2
    • August 31st: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 3 and 4
    • December 5th: Video Games and Violence, a more nuanced view
    • November 14th: Boulle, Pierre. Planet of the Apes. (1964) Ch. 27-end
    • November 16th: Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein. 1818. Preface-Ch. 8
    • November 21st: Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein. 1818. Ch. 9-Ch. 16
    • November 28th: Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein. Ch. 17-Ch. 24
    • November 30th: Violence in Video Games
    • November 7th: Boulle, Pierre. Planet of the Apes Ch. 1-17
    • November 9th: Boulle, Pierre. Planet of the Apes, Ch. 18-26
    • October 12th: Lies Economics Tells
    • October 17th: Brief Histories of Medicine, Salerno, and Galen
    • October 19th: Politicizing Science and Medicine
    • October 24th: COVID-19 Facial Covering Rhetoric
    • October 26th: Wells, H. G. Time Machine. Ch. 1-5
    • October 31st: Wells, H. G. The Time Machine Ch. 6-The End
    • October 3rd: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 7 and Conclusion
    • September 12th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 7 and Conclusion
    • September 19th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Prefaces and Ch. 1
    • September 26th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 2
    • September 28th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 5 and 6
    • September 7th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 5 and 6
  • New Media: Gender, Culture, Technology
    • August 19: Introduction to the Course
    • August 21: More Introduction
    • August 26th: Consider Media-ted Arguments
    • August 28th: Media & American Culture
    • November 13th: Hank Green’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, Part 3
    • November 18th: Feminism’s Non-Monolithic Nature
    • November 20th: Compulsory Heterosexuality
    • November 25th: Presentation Discussion
    • November 4: Hank Green’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, Part 1
    • November 6: Hank Green’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, Part 2
    • October 16th: No Class Meeting
    • October 21: Misunderstanding the Internet, Part 1
    • October 23: Misunderstanding the Internet, Part 2
    • October 28: The Internet, Part 3
    • October 2nd: Hauntology
    • October 30th: Social Construction of Sexuality
    • October 7:  Myth in American Culture
    • September 11: Critical Theory
    • September 16th: Social Construction of Gender and Sexuality
    • September 18th: Postmodernism, Part 1
    • September 23rd: Postmodernism, Part 2
    • September 25th: Postmodernism, Part 3
    • September 30th: Capitalist Realism
    • September 4th: The Medium is the Message!
    • September 9: The Public Sphere
  • Science Fiction and American Culture
    • April 10th: Octavia Butler’s Dawn (Parts III and IV)
    • April 15th: The Dispossessed (Part I)
    • April 17th: The Dispossessed (Part II)
    • April 1st: Interstellar (2014)
    • April 22nd: In/Human Beauty
    • April 24: Witch Hunt Politics (Part I)
    • April 29th: Witch Hunt Politics (Part II)
    • April 3rd: Catch Up and Start Octavia Butler
    • April 8th: Octavia Butler’s Dawn (Parts I and II)
    • February 11: William Gibson, Part II
    • February 18: Use Your Illusion I
    • February 20: Use Your Illusion II
    • February 25th: Firefly and Black Mirror
    • February 4th: Writing Discussion: Ideas & Arguments
    • February 6th: William Gibson, Part I
    • January 14th: Introduction to to “Science Fiction and American Culture”
    • January 16th: More Introduction
    • January 21st: Robots and Zombies
    • January 23rd: Gender Studies and Science Fiction
    • January 28th: American Studies Introduction
    • January 30th: World’s Beyond
    • March 11th: All Systems Red
    • March 13th: Zone One (Part 1)
      • Zone One “Friday”
    • March 18th: Zone One, “Saturday”
    • March 20th: Zone One, “Sunday”
    • March 25th: Synthesizing Sources; Writing Gooder
      • Writing Discussion–Outlines
    • March 27th: Inception (2010)
  • Teaching Portfolio
  • Topics for Analysis
    • A Practical Editing Situation
    • American Culture, an Introduction
    • Cultural Studies and Science Fiction Films
    • Efficiency in Writing Reviews
    • Feminism, An Introduction
    • Fordism/Taylorism
    • Frankenstein Part I
    • Frankenstein Part II
    • Futurism Introduction
    • How to Lie with Statistics
    • How to Make an Argument with Sources
    • Isaac Asimov’s “A Cult of Ignorance”
    • Judith Butler, an Introduction to Gender/Sexuality Studies
    • Langdon Winner Summary: The Politics of Technology
    • Oral Presentations
    • Oratory and Argument Analysis
    • Our Public Sphere
    • Postmodernism Introduction
    • Protesting Confederate Place
    • Punctuation Refresher
    • QT, the Existential Robot
    • Religion of Technology Discussion
    • Rhetoric, an Introduction
      • Analyzing the Culture of Technical Writer Ads
      • Rhetoric of Technology
      • Visual Culture
      • Visual Perception
      • Visual Perception, Culture, and Rhetoric
      • Visual Rhetoric
      • Visuals for Technical Communication
      • World War I Propaganda
    • The Great I, Robot Discussion
      • I, Robot Short Essay Topics
    • The Rhetoric of Video Games: A Cultural Perspective
      • Civilization, an Analysis
    • The Sopranos
    • Why Science Fiction?
    • Zombies and Consumption Satire
  • Video Games & American Culture
    • April 14th: Phallocentrism
    • April 21st: Video Games and Neoliberalism
    • April 7th: Video Games and Conquest
    • Assignments for Video Games & American Culture
    • February 10th: Aesthetics and Culture
    • February 17th: Narrative and Catharsis
    • February 24th: Serious Games
    • February 3rd: More History of Video Games
    • January 13th: Introduction to the course
    • January 20th: Introduction to Video Game Studies
    • January 27th: Games & Culture
      • Marxism for Video Game Analysis
      • Postmodernism for Video Game Analysis
    • March 24th: Realism, Interpretation(s), and Meaning Making
    • March 31st: Feminist Perspectives and Politics
    • March 3rd: Risky Business?

Contact Me

Office: Fretwell 255F
Email: atoscano@uncc.edu
ENGL 2116-014: Introduction to Technical Communication » January 30th: Achieving a Readable Style » Revising Prose: Efficiency, Accuracy, and Good

Revising Prose: Efficiency, Accuracy, and Good

Excess Language

Remember, these lessons and activities assume you’ve read the supplemental Revising Prose reading (pdf).

As you already know, plain language is language that isn’t overly affected or ornate but simple. Below are some guidelines for reviving slow, dull, confusing, inactive sentences:

  1. Use Active Voice
  2. Limit Prepositional Phrases
  3. Get to the Point
  4. Limit to be Verb Forms
  5. Avoid Nominalizations

Although I would love to spend the entire semester just looking at sentences, time will not permit it. However, I do encourage those of you who wish to improve your communication further to check out Richard Lanham’s Revising Prose or a host of other style books that discuss more than grammar for revising one’s writing.

Style Books for Further Reading

In the arbitrary order of reader commitment necessary—least to greatest:

  • Strunk, William Jr. and E.B. White. The Elements of Style. New York: MacMillan (various editions).
  • Richardson, Peter. Style: A Pragmatic Approach. 2nd ed. New York: Longman. 2002.
  • Zinsser, William. On Writing Well. New York: Harper (various editions).
  • Williams, Joseph M. Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace. New York: Longman (various editions).
  • Corbett, Edward P. J. and Robert J. Connors. Style and Statement. New York: Oxford UP. 1999.
  • Kolln, Martha and Gray, Loretta S. Rhetorical Grammar: Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects. New York: Allyn and Bacon (various editions).
    • I use this book in ENGL 4183 “Editing with Digital Technologies.”

Note: The above books assume that you, the writer, have some sophistication in Standard Edited American English. These are not handbooks like the late Diana Hacker’s guide A Writer’s Reference that discuss some style issues but are predominantly grammar/spelling/usage rulebooks.

Additionally, employing the strategies from the above books doesn’t exactly mean “better writing.” You can’t think of writing or effective communication as something that happens in a vacuum; you must consider context, audience, and purpose. There is no secret code to writing. Although we have rules, they are meaningless if one’s communication is irrelevant.


Here are a few sentences to get us going. If it helps you, copy and paste the sentences in MS Word. Before you start revising, though, you need to make sure you know what the sentence is communicating. Figure that out first, and then revise. Knowing what it means will guide your revision and keep you from getting rid of necessary information.

1. “I have reason to believe that there is a continuing presence of terrorists in this country.”

Revision:

  • Basically, this sentence is communicating that terrorists are in the United States.
  • Look for the long, unnecessary introduction
    • “I have reason to believe” is unnecessary. If you state it, we can assume you believe it.
    • Also, if you insist on claiming you believe, just say “I believe” instead of adding “have reason to,” which is less efficient.
  • Identify the prepositions
    • Only “of” and “in” are prepositions.
    • The “to” in the sentence is the infinitive particle for “to believe,” and it isn’t a preposition in this sentence.
    • Yes, words can be in different parts of speech, so “to” may be a preposition (it often is) in one sentence or an infinitive particle in another sentence (like the one above).
  • Identify forms of to be
    • This sentence only has one form of be: “is.”
  • Find inactive verbs or nouns that could be action verbs
    • Not too much to change here, and, although a goal is to limit “to be” verbs, you shouldn’t worry about getting rid of all “to be” verbs.
    • Below, I have a revision suggestion that uses the “to be” verb are.

Revision #1: I believe terrorists are among us.
Revision #2: Terrorists are here!

Those above revisions are much more to the point. Consider the context of this coming from the former US Attorney General John Ashcroft days after 9/11. It would make sense to get his point across by emphatically stating “terrorists live here!”


2. “It is my belief that criminal charges were brought up based upon affidavits that were delivered to the Attorney General’s Office by the law enforcement agency that was charged to apprehend possible suspects.” –former US Attorney General John Ashcroft
(33 words)

Let’s see that again:

  • It is my belief
  • that criminal charges
  • were brought up
  • based upon affidavits
  • that were delivered to the Attorney General’s Office
  • by the law enforcement agency
  • that was charged to apprehend possible suspects.

This isn’t too bad, but it’s definitely long winded. First thing, what is he trying to communicate? Well, this is confusing, but I think he’s trying to claim that a law enforcement agency has warrants to arrest suspects. Remember, this is a politician, and, as I learned from someone who knew him (confidential source from nearly 20 years ago), he liked to use big words to sound elevated. In this instance, he seems to only want to mention his office–the Attorney General’s Office–and no other office or agency by name. That’s not appropriate professional communication.

Revision:

  • Long, unnecessary introduction:
    • “It is my belief…” is unnecessary, and, frankly, ridiculous because Ashcroft IS the Attorney General, the head of the Justice Department. He should know.
    • Also, this desperately needs to be active voice. Who’s the agent in the sentence? Ashcroft? Affidavits? The Attorney General’s Office? A Law Enforcement Agency?
    • Not having the agent in the subject spot muddles this sentence.
  • Identify the prepositions
    • The prepositions are “upon,” “to,” and “by.”
    • The “up” in brought up isn’t a preposition in this case; it’s a verb particle. Also, the “to” in to apprehend in another infinitive particle.
    • Remember, the goal is to limit prepositions, so don’t feel you have to get rid of ALL of them. In this sentence, “upon” and “to” seem ok. However, “by” moves the agent into the object spot: by the law enforcement agency.
  • Identify forms of to be
    • This sentence has several forms of be: “is,” “were,” “were”, and “was.”
    • We’ll cut a few of those.
  • Find inactive verbs or nouns that could be action verbs
    • Once we figure out what the sentence is trying to say, we can choose better verbs.
    • The revision below considers the most important thing to communicate isn’t the legal mechanisms needed to have courts approve arrests; instead, it’s to communicate that the feds are looking for suspects.

Revision #1: The FBI notified me that they are pursuing possible suspects. (10 words–more than two-thirds reduced)
Revision #2a: The FBI brought criminal charges against possible suspects. (8 words–reduced to one-forth the original length)
Revision #2b: The FBI informed my office through affidavits that they brought criminal charges against possible suspects. (15 words–still, it’s less than half the original length of 33 words.

We could get into nitpicky arguments about whether “me” or “my office” is too informal for the occasion. Rhetorically, there is weight behind the phrase “the Attorney General’s Office,” but Ashcroft is the Attorney General, so it sounds pompous to use the office. Also, is this post-9/11 moment, it would be better to show the country that someone’s in charge and in the know as opposed to the original sentence that seems to deflect any sense of responsibility.

If it sounds like a politician’s phrasing, it’s most likely not appropriate fro professional writing.


Remember, sentences in the real world usually come in context with other sentences. These guidelines are no exception for common sense or audience-specific requirements. Contextual factors will govern your writing decisions more than any rules (no matter how good the rules may be).

Perhaps you should redo the sentences for practice. They might have scared you at first, but examining them will also encourage you not to “dress up” your words unnecessarily.

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