Rhetoric & Technical Communication
Rhetoric & Technical Communication
Aaron A. Toscano, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Dept. of English

Resources and Daily Activities

  • Charlotte Debate
  • Conference Presentations
    • Critical Theory/MRG 2023 Presentation
    • PCA/ACA Conference Presentation 2022
    • PCAS/ACAS 2024 Presentation
    • PCAS/ACAS Presentation 2021
    • SAMLA 2024 Presentation
    • SEACS 2021 Presentation
    • SEACS 2022 Presentation
    • SEACS 2023 Presentation
    • SEACS 2024 Presentation
    • SEACS 2025 Presentation
    • SEWSA 2021 Presentation
    • South Atlantic MLA Conference 2022
  • Dr. Toscano’s Homepage
  • ENGL 2116-014: Introduction to Technical Communication
    • April 10th: Analyzing Ethics
      • Ethical Dilemmas for Homework
      • Ethical Dilemmas to Ponder
      • Mapping Our Personal Ethics
    • April 12th: Writing Ethically
    • April 17th: Ethics Continued
    • April 19th: More on Ethics in Writing and Professional Contexts
    • April 24th: Mastering Oral Presentations
    • April 3rd: Research Fun
    • April 5th: More Research Fun
      • Epistemology and Other Fun Research Ideas
      • Research
    • February 13th: Introduction to User Design
    • February 15th: Instructions for Users
      • Making Résumés and Cover Letters More Effective
    • February 1st: Reflection on Workplace Messages
    • February 20th: The Rhetoric of Technology
    • February 22nd: Social Constructions of Technology
    • February 6th: Plain Language
    • January 11th: More Introduction to Class
    • January 18th: Audience & Purpose
    • January 23rd: Résumés and Cover Letters
      • Duty Format for Résumés
      • Peter Profit’s Cover Letter
    • January 25th: More on Résumés and Cover Letters
    • January 30th: Achieving a Readable Style
      • Euphemisms
      • Prose Practice for Next Class
      • Prose Revision Assignment
      • Revising Prose: Efficiency, Accuracy, and Good
      • Sentence Clarity
    • January 9th: Introduction to the Class
    • Major Assignments
    • March 13th: Introduction to Information Design
    • March 15th: More on Information Design
    • March 20th: Reporting Technical Information
    • March 27th: The Great I, Robot Analysis
    • May 1st: Final Portfolio Requirements
  • ENGL 4182/5182: Information Design & Digital Publishing
    • August 21st: Introduction to the Course
      • Rhetorical Principles of Information Design
    • August 28th: Introduction to Information Design
      • Prejudice and Rhetoric
      • Robin Williams’s Principles of Design
    • Classmates Webpages (Fall 2017)
    • December 4th: Presentations
    • Major Assignments for ENGL 4182/5182 (Fall 2017)
    • November 13th: More on Color
      • Designing with Color
      • Important Images
    • November 20th: Extra-Textual Elements
    • November 27th: Presentation/Portfolio Workshop
    • November 6th: In Living Color
    • October 16th: Type Fever
      • Typography
    • October 23rd: More on Type
    • October 2nd: MIDTERM FUN!!!
    • October 30th: Working with Graphics
      • Beerknurd Calendar 2018
    • September 11th: Talking about Design without Using “Thingy”
      • Theory, theory, practice
    • September 18th: The Whole Document
    • September 25th: Page Design
  • ENGL 4183/5183: Editing with Digital Technologies
    • August 23rd: Introduction to the Class
    • August 30th: Rhetoric, Words, and Composing
    • December 6th: Words and Word Classes
    • Major Assignments for ENGL 4183/5183 (Fall 2023)
    • November 15th: Cohesive Rhythm
    • November 1st: Stylistic Variations
    • November 29th: Voice and Other Nebulous Writing Terms
      • Rhetoric of Fear (prose example)
    • November 8th: Rhetorical Effects of Punctuation
    • October 11th: Choosing Adjectivals
    • October 18th: Choosing Nominals
    • October 4th: Form and Function
    • September 13th: Verb is the Word!
    • September 27th: Coordination and Subordination
      • Parallelism
    • September 6th: Sentence Patterns
  • ENGL 4275/WRDS 4011: “Rhetoric of Technology”
    • April 23rd: Presentation Discussion
    • April 2nd: Artificial Intelligence Discussion, machine (super)learning
    • April 4th: Writing and Reflecting Discussion
    • April 9th: Tom Wheeler’s The History of Our Future (Part I)
    • February 13th: Religion of Technology Part 3 of 3
    • February 15th: Is Love a Technology?
    • February 1st: Technology and Postmodernism
    • February 20th: Technology and Gender
    • February 22nd: Technology, Expediency, Racism
    • February 27th: Writing Workshop, etc.
    • February 6th: The Religion of Technology (Part 1 of 3)
    • February 8th: Religion of Technology (Part 2 of 3)
    • January 11th: Introduction to the Course
    • January 16th: Isaac Asimov’s “Cult of Ignorance”
    • January 18th: Technology and Meaning, a Humanist perspective
    • January 23rd: Technology and Democracy
    • January 25th: The Politics of Technology
    • January 30th: Discussion on Writing as Thinking
    • Major Assignments for Rhetoric of Technology
    • March 12th: Neuromancer (1984) Day 1 of 3
    • March 14th: Neuromancer (1984) Day 2 of 3
    • March 19th: Neuromancer (1984) Day 3 of 3
    • March 21st: Writing and Reflecting: Research and Synthesizing
    • March 26th: Artificial Intelligence and Risk
    • March 28th: Artificial Intelligence Book Reviews
  • ENGL 6166: Rhetorical Theory
    • April 11th: Knoblauch. Ch. 4 and Ch. 5
    • April 18th: Feminisms, Rhetorics, Herstories
    • April 25th:  Knoblauch. Ch. 6, 7, and “Afterword”
    • April 4th: Jacques Derrida’s Positions
    • February 15th: St. Augustine’s On Christian Doctrine [Rhetoric]
    • February 1st: Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 2 & 3
      • Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 2
      • Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 3
    • February 22nd: Knoblauch. Ch. 1 and 2
    • February 29th: Descartes, Rene, Discourse on Method
    • February 8th: Isocrates
    • January 11th: Introduction to Class
    • January 18th: Plato’s Phaedrus
    • January 25th: Aristotle’s On Rhetoric, Book 1
    • March 14th: Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Vindication of the Rights of Women
    • March 21st: Feminist Rhetoric(s)
    • March 28th: Knoblauch’s Ch. 3 and More Constitutive Rhetoric
    • Rhetorical Theory Assignments
  • ENGL/COMM/WRDS: The Rhetoric of Fear
    • April 11th: McCarthyism Part 1
    • April 18th: McCarthyism Part 2
    • April 25th: The Satanic Panic
    • April 4th: Suspense/Horror/Fear in Film
    • February 14th: Fascism and Other Valentine’s Day Atrocities
    • February 21st: Fascism Part 2
    • February 7th: Fallacies Part 3 and American Politics Part 2
    • January 10th: Introduction to the Class
    • January 17th: Scapegoats & Conspiracies
    • January 24th: The Rhetoric of Fear and Fallacies Part 1
    • January 31st: Fallacies Part 2 and American Politics Part 1
    • Major Assignments
    • March 28th: Nineteen Eighty-Four
    • March 7th: Fascism Part 3
    • May 2nd: The Satanic Panic Part II
      • Rhetoric of Fear and Job Losses
  • Intercultural Communication on the Amalfi Coast
    • Pedagogical Theory for Study Abroad
  • LBST 2213-110: Science, Technology, and Society
    • August 22nd: Science and Technology from a Humanistic Perspective
    • August 24th: Science and Technology, a Humanistic Approach
    • August 29th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 2
    • August 31st: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 3 and 4
    • December 5th: Video Games and Violence, a more nuanced view
    • November 14th: Boulle, Pierre. Planet of the Apes. (1964) Ch. 27-end
    • November 16th: Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein. 1818. Preface-Ch. 8
    • November 21st: Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein. 1818. Ch. 9-Ch. 16
    • November 28th: Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein. Ch. 17-Ch. 24
    • November 30th: Violence in Video Games
    • November 7th: Boulle, Pierre. Planet of the Apes Ch. 1-17
    • November 9th: Boulle, Pierre. Planet of the Apes, Ch. 18-26
    • October 12th: Lies Economics Tells
    • October 17th: Brief Histories of Medicine, Salerno, and Galen
    • October 19th: Politicizing Science and Medicine
    • October 24th: COVID-19 Facial Covering Rhetoric
    • October 26th: Wells, H. G. Time Machine. Ch. 1-5
    • October 31st: Wells, H. G. The Time Machine Ch. 6-The End
    • October 3rd: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 7 and Conclusion
    • September 12th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 7 and Conclusion
    • September 19th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Prefaces and Ch. 1
    • September 26th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 2
    • September 28th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem at Large (Technology), Ch. 5 and 6
    • September 7th: Collins & Pinch’s The Golem (Science), Ch. 5 and 6
  • New Media: Gender, Culture, Technology
    • August 19: Introduction to the Course
    • August 21: More Introduction
    • August 26th: Consider Media-ted Arguments
    • August 28th: Media & American Culture
    • November 13th: Hank Green’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, Part 3
    • November 18th: Feminism’s Non-Monolithic Nature
    • November 20th: Compulsory Heterosexuality
    • November 25th: Presentation Discussion
    • November 4: Hank Green’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, Part 1
    • November 6: Hank Green’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, Part 2
    • October 16th: No Class Meeting
    • October 21: Misunderstanding the Internet, Part 1
    • October 23: Misunderstanding the Internet, Part 2
    • October 28: The Internet, Part 3
    • October 2nd: Hauntology
    • October 30th: Social Construction of Sexuality
    • October 7:  Myth in American Culture
    • September 11: Critical Theory
    • September 16th: Social Construction of Gender and Sexuality
    • September 18th: Postmodernism, Part 1
    • September 23rd: Postmodernism, Part 2
    • September 25th: Postmodernism, Part 3
    • September 30th: Capitalist Realism
    • September 4th: The Medium is the Message!
    • September 9: The Public Sphere
  • Science Fiction and American Culture
    • April 10th: Octavia Butler’s Dawn (Parts III and IV)
    • April 15th: The Dispossessed (Part I)
    • April 17th: The Dispossessed (Part II)
    • April 1st: Interstellar (2014)
    • April 22nd: In/Human Beauty
    • April 24: Witch Hunt Politics (Part I)
    • April 29th: Witch Hunt Politics (Part II)
    • April 3rd: Catch Up and Start Octavia Butler
    • April 8th: Octavia Butler’s Dawn (Parts I and II)
    • February 11: William Gibson, Part II
    • February 18: Use Your Illusion I
    • February 20: Use Your Illusion II
    • February 25th: Firefly and Black Mirror
    • February 4th: Writing Discussion: Ideas & Arguments
    • February 6th: William Gibson, Part I
    • January 14th: Introduction to to “Science Fiction and American Culture”
    • January 16th: More Introduction
    • January 21st: Robots and Zombies
    • January 23rd: Gender Studies and Science Fiction
    • January 28th: American Studies Introduction
    • January 30th: World’s Beyond
    • March 11th: All Systems Red
    • March 13th: Zone One (Part 1)
      • Zone One “Friday”
    • March 18th: Zone One, “Saturday”
    • March 20th: Zone One, “Sunday”
    • March 25th: Synthesizing Sources; Writing Gooder
      • Writing Discussion–Outlines
    • March 27th: Inception (2010)
  • Teaching Portfolio
  • Topics for Analysis
    • A Practical Editing Situation
    • American Culture, an Introduction
    • Cultural Studies and Science Fiction Films
    • Efficiency in Writing Reviews
    • Feminism, An Introduction
    • Fordism/Taylorism
    • Frankenstein Part I
    • Frankenstein Part II
    • Futurism Introduction
    • How to Lie with Statistics
    • How to Make an Argument with Sources
    • Isaac Asimov’s “A Cult of Ignorance”
    • Judith Butler, an Introduction to Gender/Sexuality Studies
    • Langdon Winner Summary: The Politics of Technology
    • Oral Presentations
    • Oratory and Argument Analysis
    • Our Public Sphere
    • Postmodernism Introduction
    • Protesting Confederate Place
    • Punctuation Refresher
    • QT, the Existential Robot
    • Religion of Technology Discussion
    • Rhetoric, an Introduction
      • Analyzing the Culture of Technical Writer Ads
      • Rhetoric of Technology
      • Visual Culture
      • Visual Perception
      • Visual Perception, Culture, and Rhetoric
      • Visual Rhetoric
      • Visuals for Technical Communication
      • World War I Propaganda
    • The Great I, Robot Discussion
      • I, Robot Short Essay Topics
    • The Rhetoric of Video Games: A Cultural Perspective
      • Civilization, an Analysis
    • The Sopranos
    • Why Science Fiction?
    • Zombies and Consumption Satire
  • Video Games & American Culture
    • April 14th: Phallocentrism
    • April 21st: Video Games and Neoliberalism
    • April 7th: Video Games and Conquest
    • Assignments for Video Games & American Culture
    • February 10th: Aesthetics and Culture
    • February 17th: Narrative and Catharsis
    • February 24th: Serious Games
    • February 3rd: More History of Video Games
    • January 13th: Introduction to the course
    • January 20th: Introduction to Video Game Studies
    • January 27th: Games & Culture
      • Marxism for Video Game Analysis
      • Postmodernism for Video Game Analysis
    • March 24th: Realism, Interpretation(s), and Meaning Making
    • March 31st: Feminist Perspectives and Politics
    • March 3rd: Risky Business?

Contact Me

Office: Fretwell 255F
Email: atoscano@uncc.edu
ENGL 4183/5183: Editing with Digital Technologies » September 13th: Verb is the Word!

September 13th: Verb is the Word!

Turn in your Review #1 to Canvas by 11:00 pm.

Plan for the Day

  • Turn in REVIEW #1 on Canvas–DUE Tonight by 11:00 pm
  • Chapter 3: Our Versatile Verbs
  • Active vs Passive Voice
  • Show; Don’t Tell
  • Exam #1 Next Week

Heads Up for the next two weeks

Your Exam #1 will be on Canvas next week, and it will cover our readings, especially Kolln & Gray. We will not be meeting in class next week. You’ll take the exam wherever you have internet access.

The week after Exam #1: The next chapter you’ll be reading in Kolln & Gray is VERY important. One marker of the difference between mediocre writers and advanced writers is using compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences appropriately. Your future exams will cover punctuation rules based on Ch. 4 of Kolln & Gray, so read carefully. By the way, Barrett has a chapter on punctuation that we’ll read later in the semester, but it covers many punctuation rules, so that chapter won’t be as beneficial until later in the semester.

Homework #1

Your Homework #1 review is on Canvas, so log on and scroll to the bottom of the page. I gave you full credit for doing the homework, but double check the answers and make sure you understand them. I want to make sure we’re all on the same page when it comes to be verbs. Here they are:

  • am
  • is
  • are
  • was
  • were
  • be
  • being, been–which are participles but clue you into what a sentence’s verb is.

Know these before moving onto Ch. 3 because future editing (especially prose revisions) will require you to understand the difference between be-verbs and action verbs.

Chapter 3: Our Versatile Verbs

Re-read this chapter. If you’re still having trouble with be verbs, linking verbs, intransitive verbs, and transitive verbs, review Ch. 2. Make sure you’re reading. This webpage will focus on limiting to be verbs and using action verbs for stronger sentences and active voice.

As an aside, one aspect of our writing that confuses readers is tense switching. Unlike misspelled words or subject-verb agreement that both get caught by spelling/grammar checkers, switching verb tenses often doesn’t receive a squiggle in MS Word, so it’s important to keep our tenses straight. Remember that consistency is key! Check out p. 38 in Kolln & Gray for more information. Also, chapter/section 6.16 in Barrett discusses tenses and consistency (pp. 105-107).

As an English professor, I have to underscore Kolln & Gray’s point about using present tense when analyzing literature (p. 38). The accepted practice is to use present tense when referencing or quoting an author’s work even if they were dead and gone centuries ago:

  • In On Rhetoric, Aristotle categorizes the methods and uses of rhetorical techniques. He states, “A syllogism is wholly from propositions, and the enthymeme is a syllogism consisting of propositions expressed” (Aristotle 1.3.7, Kennedy p. 50, italics mine; Part 3, para. 5 Online).”

Also, notice that present tense isn’t just for the present but may work well for obvious future actions.

  • We are going to the movies tonight. {are going could refer to ‘at this moment,’ but the adverb tonight provides the future context.}
    Consider the future tense/mood (If you’re really curious about the lack of a future tense in English, enjoy.)
  • We will be going to the movies tonight.

In some languages, for instance, Italian, you can use the present tense in much the same way–for obvious future actions that are usually near in time. By the way, have I shown you my Study Abroad brochure for “Intercultural Communication on the Amalfi Coast” for Summer 2023?

Auxiliary Verbs (aka Helping Verbs)

I don’t want to risk being too abstract by discussing these verbs out of context, but it’s important to recognize a full verb–all the words that make it up–in a sentence. You might be asked to identify the full verbs in sentences on future quizzes or exams. Ch. 3 further parses auxiliary verbs into Do-support and Modal Auxiliaries. Barrett’s Ch. 6 on verbs also has a lengthy (for Barrett) discussion on modals (pp. 99-100). I’m less concerned that you can label the types of auxiliaries, but I want you to recognize that auxiliary verbs are part of the FULL verb in a sentence.

Notice the full verbs (bolded) in the sentences below:

  • The crew did not film at night.
    • The crew = Subject, did film = verb, at night = prepositional phrase (functioning as an adverbial phrase)
    • Notice “not” isn’t part of the FULL verb. Let me mention that one more time because it’ll be important for future quizzes and exams:
      • “Not” isn’t part of the full verb.
  • Citizens who actually care about their futures must vote.
    • Citizens = Subject, care = verb, must vote = verb
    • We’ll get into relative clauses (that, which, who) in Ch. 6 of Kolln & Gray, but, for now, recognize that care still acts as a verb even though it isn’t the main verb of this sentence.
    • Also, must vote and care are two separate verbs; identifying must vote care as THE verb is incorrect.
  • You might be asked to identify the full verbs.
    • You = Subject, might be asked = verb, to identify the full verbs = Direct Object
    • Please note: “to identify” is an infinitive verb, but doesn’t carry any tense, so it isn’t considered a verb. Although “to” is often a preposition, in this case, it’s a verb particle (more on that later).
  • I will ask you to identify the full verbs.
    • This makes the previous sentence active. In the original, the agent (the person doing the asking) is hidden.
    • I = Subject, will ask = Verb, you = indirect object, to identify the full verbs = direct object
  • Alison was watching a Netflix documentary.
    • Alison = Subject, was watching = verb, a Netflix documentary = direct object

Active vs Passive Voice

The first bit of confusion I want to clear up is that passive isn’t synonymous with past tense. We can have both past and present tense passive voice sentences. A passive voice sentence moves the agent out of the subject position and often turns a direct object into the subject. Although there are times when agent-less sentences are appropriate and conform to organizational or disciplinary conventions, I want you to be aware of how passive voice can be unethical and how active voice can improve sentence clarity. If you remove the agent from a sentence–the person doing the action–you need to ask why. Are you intentionally hiding someone (including yourself) to obfuscate the sentence?

Your future Prose Revision assignment (DUE 11/01) has the goal of eliminating excess verbiage (words) from prose selections. As an overview, I have some guidelines below:

  1. Use Active Voice
  2. Limit Prepositional Phrases
  3. Get to the Point
  4. Limit to be Verb Forms
  5. Avoid Nominalizations

This Missing Agent

Passive voice becomes unethical when writers deliberately hide important information, specifically the agent. Consider these gems of passive voice:

  • Taxes were raised.        (by whom?)
  • The car was damaged. (by whom?)
  • Mistakes were made.   (by whom?)

Don’t assume all agent-less prose is unethical. High-level scientific discourse often uses passive voice to focus on a test, technique, or procedure as opposed to an individual. Scientists believe passive voice appears more objective. Consider the following sentences that could appear in scientific journals:

  • Penicillin was applied to the petri dish.
  • A dose of 50 mL of penicillin was given to the patient.

Notice how the agent–most likely the author or technicians the author supervised–is missing. You can ask “by whom?” for both. I don’t agree with this on a philosophical level, but scientists strongly believe such a prose style conveys an objective ethos. Remember, you write according to your audience’s expectations.

Re-Read Ch. 3

Even though I didn’t assign exercises form Ch. 3, I know you did them on your own. Do these exercises because they will help. Below, I’m going to provide a few examples, so having finished the exercises will make the rest of these notes more instructive.

Exercise #9 on p. 41

Do Exercise #9 B & C on p. 41. Besides following the directions, identify agent, subject, and direct object for each sentence. I have answers for the even ones below.

B. Change Passive to Active

  • 2. Charles Babbage is considered a pioneer of computer science.
    • Subject: Charles Babbage–but he’s not actually doing anything.
    • Agent: Hidden–we don’t know who’s doing the considering.
    • Direct Object: None–review Sentence Pattern 2
  • 4. The Noble Prize was awarded to Francis Crick and James Watson for producing the double-helix model.
    • Subject: The Nobel Prize–but it’s not actually doing anything.
    • Agent: Hidden–we don’t know who’s doing the awarding, but, in this case, that isn’t as important for the way we commonly phrase awards. (*see below)
    • Direct Object: None–review Sentence Pattern 4; also, remember that prepositional phrases aren’t direct objects, but we’ll have one in our revision.

Revisions:

  • 2. Many consider Charles Babbage a pioneer of computer science.
    • Subject: Many–but we could use a “scholars” or “historians” to be more accurate.
    • Agent: Many–so we have the agent in the subject position; these “many” are doing the considering.
    • Direct Object: Charles Babbage–review Sentence Pattern 7
    • Object Complement: a pioneer of computer science–this is a noun phrase with the same referent as the direct object (see Kolln & Gray p. 23)
  • 4. Francis Crick and James Watson won The Noble Prize (in Physiology or Medicine) for producing the double-helix model.
    • Subjects: Francis Crick and James Watson–they are the ones doing the winning. This is a compound subject.
    • Agents: Francis Crick and James Watson–again, we have the agents in the subject position; Crick and Watson are doing the winning.
    • Direct Object: The Noble Prize–review Sentence Pattern 5.

* Although claiming “So-and-so was awarded the Nobel Prize in…” is passive, we frequently use such language. Technically, the sentence hides the agent (The Nobel Prize Committee), so we’d have to write “The Nobel Prize Committee awarded so-and-so the Nobel Prize in…” to make it active, but we can stick with the passive voice for such well-known awards. It actually seems less efficient to repeat “Nobel Prize” in the sentence. Although this is completely un-related to rhetorical grammar, the story about the 1962 Nobel Prize for discovering the structure of the double-helix is a much longer discussion. Not only did Maurice Wilkins share the prize, but Rosalind Franklin, who died in 1958, has a big claim to the prize, and the history of her work is full of accounts of her being discriminated by the predominantly male scientists with whom she worked.

C. Determine Passive or Active and Change to Active
Both are passive voice sentences…

  • 2. Mary Anderson was given a patent for windshield wipers in 1903.
    • Subject: Mary Anderson–but she’s not actually doing anything.
    • Agent: Hidden–we don’t know who gave her the patent?
    • Direct Object: a patent–review Sentence Pattern 5
  • 4. James Naismith is remembered as the inventor of basketball.
    • Subject: James Naismith–but he’s not actually doing anything. He’s being remembered but by whom?
    • Agent: Hidden–we don’t know who’s doing the remembering.
    • Direct Object: None–review Sentence Pattern 4

Revisions:

  • 2. The United States Patent Office gave Mary Anderson a patent for windshield wipers in 1903.
    • Subject: the United States Patent Office–that entity actually grants patents to inventors.
    • Agent: the United States Patent Office–they do the giving.
    • Direct Object: a patent–review Sentence Pattern 6
    • Indirect Object: Mary Anderson–the receiver of the direct object.
  • 4. Historians remember James Naismith as the inventor of basketball.
    • Subject: Historians–however, you could have “we” or “sports historians”; you just need someone to do the remembering.
    • Agent: Historians–we have the agent in the subject position; The “historians” are remembering.
    • Direct Object: James Naismith–review Sentence Pattern 5.

Exercise #10 on p. 44

Of course, you should be doing all of these exercises regardless of whether we go over them in class. If you have further questions, you can e-mail me, and, if the question requires a very detailed answer, we can meet to discuss. Read the paragraph in Exercise #10 on p. 44. Always read the entire paragraph before jumping right to editing. You need to get a sense of what the paragraph is trying to communicate. You want to make this paragraph active, so do your best to get rid of the passive voice constructions. Also, in real life, you don’t have to aim to eliminate all be verbs–they exist for a reason. But you should limit them in your prose. One strategy is to search for be verbs and ask if a better action verb could be used in place of am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been. I’ve bolded the passive voice constructions.

  • The woods in the morning seemed both peaceful and lively. Birds could be heard in the pines and oaks, staking out their territory. Squirrels could be seen scampering across the leaves that covered the forest floor, while in the branches above, the new leaves of the birches and maples were outlined by the sun’s rays. The leaves, too, could be heard, rustling to the rhythm of the wind.
  • The first sentence is fine. Notice the subject (the woods) and verb (seemed).
  • The second sentence is passive and hides the agent: who’s doing the hearing? You could change this to “We heard the birds…,” but, if you must avoid 1st person (I or we), make the birds active.
  • The third sentence is also passive and has two parts that are passive:
    • Squirrels could be seen scampering across the leaves that covered the forest floor,
      -and-
    • while in the branches above, the new leaves of the birches and maples were outlined by the sun’s rays.
    • Although it is longer and uses more modifying phrases, you can revise it like the previous sentence by making the squirrels the agent. Currently, the agent is hidden (notice this is a passive voice sentence…the agent is hidden by whom?).
    • For the second part of the sentence, “the sun’s rays” is the object of the preposition but the appropriate agent, so put it in the subject position.
    • I would actually use a semicolon (;) instead of a comma after “floor;”–but we’ll deal with that discussion another time.
  • Finally, the forth sentence is passive and hides who’s doing the hearing.
    • Although you could write, “I could hear the rustling to the rhythm of the wind,” let’s assume we can’t use first person.

Consider this revision:

  • The woods in the morning seemed both peaceful and lively. Birds in the pines and oaks staked out their territory through their songs. Squirrels scampered across the leaves that covered the forest floor, while in the branches above, the sun’s rays outlined the new leaves of the birches and maples. The leaves, too, rustled to the rhythm of the wind.

The revision is only six (6) fewer words than the original, but it still reads more efficiently. Using active voice sentences and limiting be verbs will make you prose more efficient. That’s a major goal for technical communication overall.

Show; Don’t Tell

Those of you who had me for ENGL 2116 “Introduction to Technical Communication” remember I asked you to show and not tell in your résumés and cover letters. The following statements tell the audience what you do, but they really don’t show your duties.

  • I am a team player.
  • I am punctual.
  • I am a self-started who gets the job done.

You might as well be claiming “I am good” or “I want this job.” None of those above sentences show you’re the ideal candidate for a position. They are too generic and aren’t even good for introducing yourself. Notice that all the sentences use be verbs, which aren’t the most descriptive verbs available. Consider these revisions:

  • As the simulation project manager for our 2019 release of League of Legends at Riot Games, I coordinated various development teams (programmers, directors, and actors) to ensure our release was on time and under budget.
  • I arrive to work promptly when required.
  • I wake myself up and work without supervision on required tasks.

The 2nd and 3rd sentences above, while better than the originals because they use more descriptive verbs, are ridiculous statements. An organization expects you’ll be punctual and able to work without supervision. Mentioning those attributes raises red flags and would make a hiring manager ask, “why would they include such a statement?” Your insistence that you’re punctual and a self-starter makes readers think the opposite. After all, if you have to bring those up, you’re setting a low bar…

Again, beware of uncritically using just any synonym from the thesaurus. Remember, quotidian isn’t an everyday word. Also, heed Kolln & Gray’s advice on not getting bogged down with word choice while you’re writing: let your ideas come out. This goes for editing as you write. We write to communicate and not to read grammatically correct sentences. Sure, your ethos will be affected for nonstandard choices (or misteaks), but it’s better to get your ideas down and revise with a fresh set of eyes later. Remember, all mistakes on the website are intentional and there to help you practice editing.

Next Week

We won’t be meeting as a class next week; instead, you’ll take your first Exam on Canvas. If all goes well, I’ll open it up on Monday and give you several days to fit it in. Exam #1 will cover our readings up to this point, especially Kolln & Gray.

When we return to class on 9/27, we’ll cover Koln & Gray Ch. 4–VERY IMPORTANT–and Barrett’s Ch. 7 & 8. You’ll also have Homework #2 , based on Ch. 4’s Exercises (11, 12, 13, and 14), that’ll be due by Wednesday, 09/27, at 6:00 pm on Canvas–BEFORE CLASS MEETS.

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